February 28, 2018

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Experiencing God more in marriage

How do you make decisions? How do you make decisions as a couple or team…how do you co-discern? We are all about experiencing more of God in every day life and one of the things we do every day is make decisions. We will celebrate 18 years of marriage this summer. It is mind blowing how many decisions we have made in those years. We have quit jobs, applied for jobs, moved (10 times), had four children, bought and sold houses, figured out how we spend money, how to move through conflict, how to parent. Some decisions are effortless. Some require discernment. Some are one-time decisions and others are on going. Some we can make in minutes and some still take hours of processing.


Greg and I are opposites in a lot of ways. We look for and process information differently. We make decisions and find assurance in different ways. And while these differences have caused conflict, tension and hours of conversations, neither of us believes one of us is right and the other wrong. We have had to learn how to discern, decide and move together in the midst of these differences. 


We believe that God created us all uniquely AND that God interacts with us uniquely. I used to think the only way to have intimacy with God was to sit and have a "quiet time,” spend time by myself reading the bible and journaling. BUT I'm not so sure any more. I think for some people intimacy with God happens when they are serving others, when they are running and active, when they are working alongside God on a project. Some may feel God physically because physical touch is their love language. Others "hear" God through pictures or through music.


This means that as a couple, experiencing God together is even more unique. It isn't just taking how I experience God and how Greg experiences God and then adding them together. It is learning together, how we make decisions, how we experience intimacy, how we feel assurance: God, Greg and I. 


It has helped for Greg and I to understand ourselves: how we hear God; how we find assurance. Then we have developed a language and practices that help us come together to be in God's presence and to discern what God is doing and saying. 


How do you find assurance? How do you make decisions? Do you do a lot of research and figure out the pros and the cons? Do you go with your gut? What motivates you—people, the best bang for your buck, adventure, service, change? Do you hear God’s voice? Look to scripture? Rely on the wisdom of others? There are so many different ways we naturally behave and things that motivate us and all of these impact how we discern and ultimately how we experience God in our everyday life.


DISC/MOTIVATORS is one tool that looks at how you behave in certain situations and how you respond to rules/procedures/conflict? These tests have been used for years in businesses to help people work together. We think, with some help understanding the results of the tests, that these are great tools for couples to help understand each other. And to help ultimately experience God more together. 


God created us. God knows us better than we know ourselves. And God created each of us totally uniquely. So to think that there is only one-way God relates to all of us seems to miss part of the whole design of creation. Uniqueness and diversity. IT isn’t that there are many gods but that the one God relates to us all uniquely. Understanding our own relational style, how we make decisions, how we relate, helps us relate to God and as a couple helps us experience God more together.




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